#1.68: Tired of it

Today I realized that even though some of my teachers are being a little difficult, it's my job to deal with it and work around it. It is so draining to have to go through this. I'm tired all the time. Sometimes I'm physically tired like I want to go to sleep, and then the other times are me being emotionally tired. I have to work so hard to achieve the grade and understanding in my classes that wouldn't even make me break a sweat a few months ago. I have no idea how long this is going to be my everyday life because I was sure that I would be healed by now. I think about how happy I was when I would play with my soccer club team and how we were undefeated in the tournament. I think about how happy I was when I was holding that 1st place trophy for the tournament that I played with Coach Ryan. I remember how great I felt when I was playing side by side with college players and I made those goals. Their hand shakes and hugs was all that I needed to keep pressing on in the summer heat. Being able to drive home from a game that I won with my teammates, was one of the best feelings that I have had. Meeting with a college coach that gave me the opportunity to hang out with his players and sit on the bench while they sat next to me and included me in their game conversations...was the world to me. Makes me think now that I have to find joy without all of that. I have to smile even though I know that I can't do what I love to do. I can't give up because then I will feel like someone has won something over me. As if there is someone out there that says that I can't make my dreams come true. I want so bad to be able to make things happen that no one ever thought would be my destiny. I want to achieve the impossible dream....someday.